We moved to El Salvador on August 9 two years ago. As I (Hannah) was reflecting on this anniversary, this question surfaced… What are the most impactful things God has taught me during our first two years on the mission field? Many ideas came to mind, but I want to share 3 that have most resoundingly affected my heart and the way I’m trying to live.
A pic from August 9, 2023, a few hours after landing in San Salvador.
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The first is a question God gently posed after we made our decision to leave MTW. “Do you trust me?” It was so vividly etched into my brain and soul, and so unnatural of a thing for me to ask myself that I knew immediately it was the Holy Spirit. He was daring me to let go of my fear, my need for a plan, and my desire to control the appearance of things. I realized at that moment that although our path didn’t look the way I wanted (neat, praiseworthy, safe), I could trust my Father to provide. And provide He did! He opened the storehouses of heaven and poured out wisdom, community, mentors, hope, peace, and direction into our life.
Although our path didn’t look the way I wanted (neat, praiseworthy, safe), I could trust my Father to provide.
I was terrified of what would happen when we left all we knew and entered a world of questions, hard conversations, and rejection. But God makes his beautiful sovereignty even more visible in those places. He aimed his fiery arrow of a question at my heart. “Do you trust me?” And gave me time to grapple with that. At first, I felt a deep, rebellious “NO!” well up within me like the kind of gut-wrenching sobs that don’t ever make their way to the surface. But this fleeting tantrum was followed by a “Yes, Lord, in your strength, I do.” that only a deeply loved child could utter. And He proved his faithfulness to me every step of the way. He is trustworthy, and He is good.
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Secondly, God has convicted me that my most important mission field is my family, and specifically my kids. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the idea that God called us to El Salvador to share the Gospel and serve others, and forget the fact that before we were missionaries, he gave me the high calling of serving my family and pointing my own children to Christ.
Throughout my short span of motherhood I have run the wide gamut of feelings towards spending time with my kids. There have been moments (years), more than I care to recount, where I wished the babysitter could stay later, school wasn’t long enough, and they came downstairs in the morning too early. I loved them, I promise, but I just had so much to do. I was furthering my reputation as an employee, as a leader in the church, as a solid friend, as an all-around great person. And my children were always finding ways to get in the way of me proving to everyone and myself that I was awesome.
Proof of smiles during the toddler years
Over these last two years in El Salvador, God has mercifully changed my attitude towards my kids. I finally see the eternal benefit of sitting on the floor playing racecars with them. I’m not going to sugarcoat it. It requires more self-sacrifice and humility than I have in my own strength, but I deeply enjoy spending afternoons reading to them, praying with them, playing games together, telling Bible stories, and taking them on adventures.
The Lord continues to press upon me that I must prioritize investing in my children, so here we go starting homeschool this year – something I said I would never do. But the more I understand that out of all the souls we are destined to win here, the most important souls for me are those of my own kids, it becomes easier to make difficult, sacrificial decisions.
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Thirdly, God has taught me that there are seasons for everything and seasons aren’t meant to last indefinitely, but rather point us to the Maker of the seasons. When we begin to hold too tightly to one particular season – maybe that season is defined by a friendship, a church, a house, a country, a job, a blessing, a spiritual state – we lose sight of our Maker and his purposes in our seasons.
Over the last two years, He has led us through valleys, over rolling hills, and up breathtaking peaks. He has sent heartbreaking, painful trials and indescribable blessings. Yet, through it all, he has caused this truth to resound in my heart – every moment was meant to glue our eyes to Him and sash our hands to His because everything, EVERYTHING is about our relationship with Him. I am learning to hold it all loosely because He holds me so well. My eternity is secure in His unchanging hands.
When we begin to hold too tightly to one particular season, we lose sight of our Maker and his purposes in our seasons.
There are so many other things I want to share. Like how God has constantly challenged me during these first two years to stop doing things for the applause and approval of others. How he has given me opportunities to let down my guard and be broken and weak, to push so far outside of my comfort zone, to take on challenges and projects that I would’ve never wanted to do BUT for His sake.
It hasn’t been an easy two years, but it has been great. Maybe even the best of my whole life. I’m sure that our life here as we know it is just a season, but I’m also sure that I am never, ever alone. My Maker goes before me, and He goes before you. He leads us gently, and knows our fragile frames.
If you’d allow me to encourage you with this small admonition, I would say – Do that thing He’s been calling you to do. No matter how scary, how foolish, how hard it seems – He is with you. He is trustworthy. He is at work accomplishing His good purposes in you and through you.
“And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:20b
